


Recreational Narcissism

by Ranger_Nova



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (Big Finish Audio)
Genre: M/M, Missing Scene, Self-cest, The Two Masters, Well someone had to write it, puns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-17
Updated: 2016-06-17
Packaged: 2018-07-15 15:10:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7227502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ranger_Nova/pseuds/Ranger_Nova
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Have you considered all the many opportunities we have now that there are two of us?" Missing scene from the Big Finish audio The Two Masters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Recreational Narcissism

**Author's Note:**

> Come on, you can't tell me Macqueen!Master wasn't flirting with Beevers in this audio.
> 
> Spoilers for The Two Masters, so go listen to that first. Seriously, listen to it, it's amazing.

"Is it done?"

The Master looked up from the controls, meeting the gaze of his slightly-less-attractive counterpart. "Let’s just say that change is now _in the air_ for the cultists!"

The other Master made a noise that sounded like an exasperated groan and nodded. "Then we had better get moving."

"Well, we do still have a _little_ time before the changes I made to the environmental systems take effect," the Master said with a shrug.

"Your point?"

"I’m just saying... Well, have you considered all the many _opportunities_ we have now that there are two of us?"

His earlier incarnation nodded. "I have given it some thought, yes. Just imagine, two Masters..."

"Yes?"

"Able to be in two places at the same time..."

"Yes, yes!"

"Two pairs of hands..."

"Oh, yes, I do like the way you think!"

"Able to kill twice as many people at once! The universe will be at our mercy!"

The Master frowned. "Well, yes... but that wasn’t actually what I was getting at."

"Then what _were_ you getting at?" his other self sighed.

"I just think," said the Master, leaning closer and dropping his voice to a whisper, "that there are rather a lot of possibilities when you can be your own best friend _with benefits_."

His other incarnation stared at him for a long moment. "Oh, you are joking, aren’t you?"

"Not at all, not at all! Oh, come on, don’t tell me you haven’t thought of it too, Mr. Deep-Fried-Bacon-Face!"

"As a matter of fact, I hadn’t." The other Master started towards the door again. "We’re wasting time."

"It didn’t cross your mind even _once_?"

A pause. "Well, perhaps once... But once, maximum."

The Master grinned. "Then what are we waiting for!"

"I do believe we are waiting for the cultists to die so we can complete our plans, in case you'd forgotten."

"But we’ve still got a minute or two to ourselves!"

The other Master raised an eyebrow-less brow. "And what do you propose to do in a mere minute? Or is that all the time you need?"

The Master rolled his eyes. "Oh, there you go again, insulting your own future incarnation! You know, you wouldn’t exactly be my first choice for this sort of thing—you were hardly the best-looking of my past selves, even before your little... accident... on Terserus—so you should be grateful I’m making this offer at all!" He shrugged. "Besides, I don’t mean we do anything like _that_ , at least not yet. Plenty of time later, once we’re living in luxury as Masters of the universe! I just meant that we could have a little _taste_ of what our future together might be like."

"Such as?" His other self still sounded impatient.

"I don’t know, something spontaneous! A kiss, maybe! Think of it... we could pay _lip service_ to our new partnership!"

The other Master’s eyes narrowed. "If you’re going to make puns..."

The Master held up his hands. "Alright, _alright_ , no puns! I promise!"

"Oh... fine," his other self growled, moving closer. "I suppose there _is_ something appealing about the idea of kissing the most attractive person in the universe..."

The Master feigned a giggle. "Oh, you really are too kind!"

"I was talking about myself _._ I meant I could see why the idea might be appealing to _you_."

"Ah. Right. Well, _anyway_ , let's get on with it before we run out of time, shall we?" The Master leaned closer, looking over the cracked, burnt features of his counterpart. "Although, now that I think about it, I don’t suppose you have a moment to apply a little moisturiser? Maybe some lip balm? A bit of foundation wouldn’t go amiss either, just to smooth things out here and there..."

A pair of angry eyes glared back at him from the burnt face. "I’m losing patience."

"Sorry, don’t mind me, just trying to bring new meaning to the phrase ‘kiss and make-up’—"

"That’s it," the other Master turned away sharply, "I’m leaving. I’m going to go check on the cultists."

"But—! Oh, come on," the Master called, "that was just a tiny pun! It doesn’t even count!"

His other self simply kept walking.

"I almost made a remark about us ‘kissing the universe goodbye’, but I didn’t, I refrained!" The Master ran after him. "Oh, stop looking so sour! If you’re not careful, your face will get stuck like that—oh wait, I see it already has!"

"Imbecile," the other Master muttered.

"My, my, what a thrilling partner you’re going to make when we’re ruling the universe together," groaned the Master. "You know, I would’ve even taken _the American_ over you! At least he knew how to have fun!"


End file.
